Life's a Tent

I promised in my last post some more personal heart-updates would be coming soon.  Although it's now almost 12:30 am, I think I'll take some time to fulfill Part 1 of that promise (thanks to the fact that my body has yet to get used to drinking copious amounts of coffee at 5 and 6 in the afternoon).


Over the past couple months, I have been making my way - creeping along, really - through the books of 1 and now 2 Peter.  As I was reading this week in 2 Peter 1, a very simple word stood out to me: body.  OK, it helped that there was a footnote next to it.  In verses 13 and 14, Peter refers to the quickly-approaching "putting off of his body," but the footnote pointed out that the Greek word he actually used was the word for tent.  

This analogy instantly resonated in my mind.  After 4 separate packing/moving ventures in the past year, I've now been living in an extreme variety of living situations in 4 different cities and out of one large and un-thrilling suitcase for the past 2 and a half months.  The idea of having a home, a place where I can settle down, call my own, and actually unpack...wow, I can't say how exciting that is to think about (especially when I think about having a home with Tim).  I long for that.  The transient, temporary, always moving and never fully belonging?  That gets tiring.  But, wow.  That's what life here on earth is.  This life, this body that I have...is just a tent.  Temporary.  Transient.  Insecure.  Ultimately insufficient.  Absolutely unworthy of the investment of a lifetime of work.  It's not home.  It's not what my hope is in.  There's so much more to live for than the accumulation of nice things for my tent.  Than working to make this tent more attractive and appealing.  When I think with this perspective of the transience of life, I feel the weight of the worthless, vain emptiness in so many of my pursuits.  And that leads me to flash back a couple weeks ago to further thoughts that God has been leading me to wrestle through.

During one of our almost-nightly FaceTime conversations, Tim asked me what I thought about one day going as missionaries to an unreached people group.  Immediately images of some remote land with more insects than human beings and zero electricity came to mind, and I felt this sigh in my heart because I realized how much I cling to my comforts and desires for material goods, close friendships...and the list could stretch on for pages.  But then the defiance and dread were literally silenced in my heart, and I just started crying.  Crying because I realized that there's no excuse...no way that these things that I hold so dear could ever be more important than SOULS...souls of people who have NEVER even heard the name of Jesus Christ or had the opportunity to see what it looks like to live in the joy, hope, and peace of Christ.  There's just no excuse.  Yet it's hard.  Hard especially because I'm here in South America now, separated from many of my creature comforts.  Hard thinking about permanently living in a land that is not home.  Away from close friends and family and customs and traditions and all things comfortable.  Hard because I know I'm only getting a taste of what that would be like, and it already feels super difficult at times.  BUT in all of this I know God has me HERE, giving me THIS perspective, for a reason.  I want HIS heart work to continue, as I know that it will.  He is so good in the way he tenderly, gradually guides us and gently (although yes, often painfully) molds us to be more like Him.  I'm really thankful for Tim and the way he continually challenges me to think about the purpose of life and the purpose of our relationship and marriage.  I'm thankful to know that I will be marrying a man who recognizes that, yes, there is cost involved in following Jesus Christ.  God has already begun to use Tim as an instrument to stretch my faith and assist in God's transforming work in me.  

As for our future, I have no idea what that will look like.  NO earthly idea.  But I'm thankful that God knows, and He is faithfully at work in preparing Tim and I for whatever He wants for us to do.  My prayer is that we will be fully surrendered to God's will and work in and through us, regardless of where and what.  

Further updates to come, but that's enough for now.  Buenas noches!