It's here. The much anticipated day of departure for overseas mission work is finally here. The desire and pursuit of the past several years of my life...it is finally becoming reality today.
Yet I never thought my heart would be SO torn as I prepare to go. Who knew saying goodbye to parents, friends, and a very precious fiancé for 5 months could be so sad and difficult? Here I am, fully experiencing the fruition of months and years of waiting and trusting on God...knowing whole-heartedly that this is His work, His timing, His calling. Praising God for His ways and His provision. Anticipating that the months ahead will be rich with God's work. Knowing that His purposes are far deeper and more long-lasting than the 5 months I will be in South America.
...Yet I'm still so torn as I leave my job, church family, my routines, family, friends, and Tim. How bittersweet it is to leave. I know I will be back soon. I know I am exactly where God wants me. But leaving Tim in the midst of planning for our wedding and future lives together: sigh. Not fun. Leaving my parents with a tearful goodbye: a sweet time, but hard. Leaving the country as my last remaining grandmother is most likely taking her final breaths and leaving her mortal body here on earth: yes, not my preference. It feels like there is much that I will miss, and much that I will miss out on.
BUT... But God IS good. I know His timing is perfect. I trust His ways are higher than my comprehension. I know He is MY SHEPHERD. I am where He wants me. As hard as it is to leave now, I am fully confident in anticipation of what God has planned. Who knows? God does, and that's enough for me! And whatever I feel like I'm missing out on? Oh no. As long as I'm following God, NOTHING can compare to being in step with Him.
As I sit and reflect on all of this, I am reminded again of how MUCH I have to be thankful for. Thank you, God. Thank you!
RACHEL- Mark 10:29-30 just came to mind with all of that. Good things to dwell on when it hurts to be away. You are loved!!
ReplyDeleteRachel, I'm in a little late in reading this, but so excited for you. I can totally understand the feelings of leaving and what could happen in the time you will be gone. I'm so glad He has helped you to lay it in His hands and trust His good. Love you.
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